On this day, 24 years ago, Bryan Delk and I became husband and wife, and the 5th one that you are missing….Funny, 5 years ago, everyone told me, *one day* you’ll be able to look
back at this day and not cry, but just be thankful and grateful for the happy memories….back then, I was grateful and thankful still of course, but cried lots and lots too, and couldn’t even begin to imagine that these people that told me this were ‘sane’ in their thoughts…..Today, I can say I am more grateful for the 20 years we had, than crying, although some tears as I get flowers for your grave, but not near as many as in the past….. I remember so much, like yesterday…..
It was hot in Tennessee…. I cried some in the ceremony, but then you had look of relief on your face when I said they were tears of joy. 😉
That last 20 years, we faced many challenges but we got through all of them because through it all we loved each other and we loved God.
Today, sometimes you’ll find me crying again. I know you always hated to see me cry, but it can’t be helped sometimes….I try to remember your words you used to say always to me “I want to see you smile” and I try, I try every day, and I try to focus on the wonderful years God allowed me to have you.
The vows we took said for in sickness and in health and we did that very well, living up to those words. I am confident and happy knowing that you were mine and me yours only, for almost 20 years….The til death do us part, is the most difficult challenge of them all. I said those words without realizing what that really meant because somehow I figured it was going to be SO f
ar off in the future, we would be old and gray before we had to face that… I remember thinking and dreaming of us being in our 80’s, sitting on our front porch, and watching the grandkids playing….Well here we are, or….here I am, faced with life without you…the person I entrusted with my happiness and my soul and now you’re gone.
I am faced with the monumental task of going on with out you with the memories of the times together to see me through the days, weeks, months and years ahead.
Thank you baby for those memories and for the awesome and wonderful children we raised together. I know the road ahead will be bumpy but I know at the end of the road, you’ll be wa
iting for me with welcoming arms wide open to greet me and hug me once again one day.
I do not know how long it will take me to meander down that road, but my anniversary wish is that you are peaceful now and are not sad up there. Your gift to me has been acquired over the years….strength, courage, faithful, and a “we can do this” attitude. So, I wish you happy anniversary. I love you. I promise to always try to smile…I can still hear it in my head you telling me “I want to see you smile” – No matter what was going on, even if I was mad at you
– if you said that – you always made me smile anyway – and you knew it! 🙂
From the time we were married till he left this earth was
or 1019 weeks
or 171,192 hours
or 10,271,520 minutes
or 616,291,200 seconds
This is equal to exactly 19 years, 6 months, and 9 days
For our 20th anniversary, he had planned he was going to buy me an anniversary band to put on the other side of my engagement ring, to match my wedding band. And we were going to take a trip someplace special, don’t know where, but somewhere we had never been, we had thought of one of those couples resorts….
I love you more than anything, I love our wonderful kids God allowed us to have. I am very thankful God let me have you for almost 20 years. Yes, I wish it was more, lots more, never even had the thoughts of what happened….you know you think about sickness, maybe *one day*…..but never this….thought and dreamed about us being in our 80’s on our front porch in our little town, watching our grandkids run around, while we hold hands….sigh….such a pretty dream…..
I was told that one day, I will think that way, and not cry, but just think about the happy times, and be happy … I am thankful and grateful that after almost 5 years, it is more that way now…..although I still and will always love and miss you
Danielle Kennedy, in her book Seven Figure Selling says,
“Write customers personal, handwritten notes frequently. If you run into an old customer anywhere, follow up with a handwritten card.
In this electronic communication age of email, the handwritten card with a postage stamp gets more immediate attention than ever.”
That quick thought of “I should contact that person” is what I call a “prompting”; an out-of-the-blue remembrance of a particular person.
If you’ve personally observed promptings, you’ve noticed that they only last in your mind for about 60-seconds, and then they’re gone.
My cards company provides a way to capture that sixty-second moment. Capture that opportunity to make a difference; to make your friend or client feel special. To make them aware that we are thinking of them – by remembering events and dates that are important in their lives.
How many times do you *go after* something…..because you are *looking* for that *fulfillment*……but *it* doesn’t match your *values*?????
Dating – you go out w someone – just to have someone to hold, or just for that companionship, etc but you know they are not right for you or your long term relationship.
Eating – you go get something to eat – just to have that thing you were craving…but you know it is not right for you on your path to the health you want to achieve.
Watching/listening – you watch something on tv, the internet, listening to the radio,ipod etc…just to have something to watch – or thought, well just this once….but it does not match you values, of if you had anyone close to you – watching what you watched/listened, that you’d want them to see what it was, or that it provided value to you in your life to educate you or lift you up – or wasted your time….
What else can you add to this list?
I know many times I’m pretty ‘transparent’ publicly….nothing to hide, I’m merely a sinner trying to do my best, every day, n fail many times…..and sometimes I’m criticized or warned for being so transparent….but sometimes I just feel it’s needed, and getting private notes like this…..blesses my soul n if I can help in any way to make a difference for good…..it’s all worth it
(Posted by a friend, if you have any grief or know of anyone with it, please share, this is a great article, please read even if you are not going thru it, as one day you will, and if you remember this, I think it will help 😉 )
“My friend just died, I don’t know what to do”
“Alright, here goes. I’m old. What that means is that I’ve survived (so far) and a lot of people I’ve known and loved did not. I’ve lost friends, best friends, acquaintances, co-workers, grandparents, mom, relatives, teachers, mentors, students, neighbors, and a host of other folks. I have no children, and I can’t imagine the pain it must be to lose a child. But here’s my two cents.
I wish I could say you get used to people dying. I never did. I don’t want to. It tears a hole through me whenever somebody I love dies, no matter the circumstances. But I don’t want it to “not matter”. I don’t want it to be something that just passes. My scars are a testament to the love and the relationship that I had for and with that person. and if the scar is deep, so was the love. So be it. Scars are a testament to life. Scars are a testament that I can love deeply and live deeply and be cut, or even gouged, and that I can heal and continue to live and continue to love. And the scar tissue is stronger than the original flesh ever was. Scars are a testament to life. Scars are only ugly to people who can’t see.
As for grief, you’ll find it comes in waves. When the ship is first wrecked, you’re drowning, with wreckage all around you. Everything floating around you reminds you of the beauty and the magnificence of the ship that was, and is no more. And all you can do is float. You find some piece of the wreckage, and you hang onto it for awhile. Maybe it’s some physical thing. Maybe it’s a happy memory or a photograph. Maybe it’s a person who is also floating. For awhile, all you can do is float. STAY ALIVE.
In the beginning, the waves are 100 feet tall and crash over you with out mercy. They come in 10 seconds apart, and don’t even give you time to catch your breath. All you can do is hang on and float. After awhile, maybe weeks, maybe months, you’ll find the waves are still 100 feet tall, but they come further apart. When they come, they still crash all over you and wipe you out. But in between, you can breathe, you can function. You never know what’s going to trigger the grief. It might be a song, a picture, a street intersection, the smell of a cup of coffee. It can be just about anything….and the wave comes crashing. But in between waves, there is LIFE.
Somewhere down the line, and it’s different for everybody, you find that the waves are only 80 feet tall. or 50 feet tall. and while they still come, they come further apart. You can see them coming. An anniversary, a birthday, christmas, or landing at O’Hare. You can see it coming, and for the most part, you can prepare yourself. And when it washes over you, you know that somehow you will, again, come out the other side. Soaking wet, sputtering, still hanging on to some tiny piece of the wreckage, but you’ll come out.
Take it from an old guy, the waves never stop coming, and somehow you don’t really want them to. But you learn that you’ll survive them. And other waves will come. And you’ll survive them too. If you’re lucky, you’ll have lots of scars from lots of loves…..and lots of shipwrecks.”
60 WAYS TO MAKE YOUR MARRIAGE ROCK!
1. PRAY TOGETHER ALWAYS
2. READ THE SCRIPTURES TOGETHER ALWAYS
3. Go on regular date nights
4. Hide notes in secret places
5. Go to bed at the same time
6. Listen to music together-share ear-buds
7. Buy him gifts he will love
8. Revitalize the romance with intimate dates
9. Wear shirts that tell the world you love your spouse
10. Praise your spouse to other people
11. Read a marriage devotional
12. Sleep in his t-shirts
13. Renew your vows privately with whispers and memories
14. Renew them publicly with cake and bubbly
15. Go away together at least once a year
16. Hang pictures of the two of you around your house
17. Make his favorite dessert
18. Make sex a priority
19. Spend time apart occasionally
20. Learn to enjoy something he loves
21. Surprise each other
22. Meet him at the door
23. Text each other from across the room
24. Set reminders on your phone to remember him/her throughout the week
25. Call him right now and tell him you appreciate himFor Men Only
26. Leave work on time and come home early
27. Engage every day in meaningful conversation
28. Compliment each other
29. Take one day a month to make your spouse your total focus
30. Argue fair: avoid these words “you always” and “you never”
31. Kiss every day
32. Find tangible ways to serve your mate without complaining
33. Forgive quickly
34. Be honest.
35. Get on the same page: plan your budget together
36. Look your best as often as you can
37. Guard your marriage
38. Laugh together
39. When you are together-BE TOGETHER (take a break from phones, technology, etc)
40. Tell her she’s pretty, especially when she’s not feeling it
41. Make each other breakfast in bed
42. Do her chores for her
44. Get a couple’s massage or host your own privately
44. Dance together-soft music (both of you alone) or rocking music with the kids
45. Exercise together- hikes, bike riding, etc
46. Choose not to be annoyed by an irritating behavior/disappointment from your spouse
47. Thank your spouse often even for the least reason or gesture
48. Lay in bed together and stare into each other eyes, without talking
49. Learn something new together-take an art class, cooking lessons, etc
50. Leave a sweet comment on the Facebook wall
51. Support each other’s goals
52. Bring her flowers/gifts (even when she says they are too expensive)
53. Wear something your spouse loves
54. Share furniture-sit in his lap
55. Fight for your marriage
56. Make a point to eat dinner together most days of the week.
57. Never let your spouse feel like they come second place to your career or any other thing.
58. Talk about your dreams and aspirations. Be supportive of each other and dream big together!
59. Maintain a united front as your motto: Meaning- “Me and you against the world.
60. Speak well of your spouse.
Remember your Spouse Rocks- Even when they don’t at the moment!
Be THANKFUL and GRATEFUL for EVERY.LITTLE.THING…….
As you do, then you will start having bigger and better things, to be thankful and grateful for……
Everyone, no matter what, can find SOMETHING to be grateful for…..
I started my Gratitude Journal in Jan 2009……My rule for myself, is before I go to sleep, I MUST WRITE DOWN 5 specific things, I am thankful and grateful for that day before closing my eyes….
Just like anyone, some days, it is harder to think of 5 things…..
But….I have noticed, over the years of doing this, and comparing it to the days/weeks/months before I got consistent with it, I notice a difference…..
Now….I will not lay my head on that pillow, no matter how tired I am, without saying my prayers of thanksgiving and writing them down……It works! I challenge you to try it