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Happy Anniversary, from Your Widow

On this day, 24 years ago, Bryan Delk and I became husband and wife, and the 5th one that you are missing….Funny, 5 years ago, everyone told me, *one day* you’ll be able to look

back at this day and not cry, but just be thankful and grateful for the happy memories….back then, I was grateful and thankful still of course, but cried lots and lots too, and couldn’t even begin to imagine that these people that told me this were ‘sane’ in their thoughts…..Today, I can say I am more grateful for the 20 years we had, than crying, although some tears as I get flowers for your grave, but not near as many as in the past….. I remember so much, like yesterday…..

It was hot in Tennessee…. I cried some in the ceremony, but then you had look of relief on your face when I said they were tears of joy. 😉

That last 20 years, we faced many challenges but we got through all of them because through it all we loved each other and we loved God.

Today, sometimes you’ll find me crying again. I know you always hated to see me cry, but it can’t be helped sometimes….I try to remember your words you used to say always to me “I want to see you smile” and I try, I try every day, and I try to focus on the wonderful years God allowed me to have you.

The vows we took said for in sickness and in health and we did that very well, living up to those words. I am confident and happy knowing that you were mine and me yours only, for almost 20 years….The til death do us part, is the most difficult challenge of them all. I said those words without realizing what that really meant because somehow I figured it was going to be SO f

ar off in the future, we would be old and gray before we had to face that… I remember thinking and dreaming of us being in our 80’s, sitting on our front porch, and watching the grandkids playing….Well here we are, or….here I am, faced with life without you…the person I entrusted with my happiness and my soul and now you’re gone.

I am faced with the monumental task of going on with out you with the memories of the times together to see me through the days, weeks, months and years ahead.

Thank you baby for those memories and for the awesome and wonderful children we raised together. I know the road ahead will be bumpy but I know at the end of the road, you’ll be wa

iting for me with welcoming arms wide open to greet me and hug me once again one day.

I do not know how long it will take me to meander down that road, but my anniversary wish is that you are peaceful now and are not sad up there. Your gift to me has been acquired over the years….strength, courage, faithful, and a “we can do this” attitude. So, I wish you happy anniversary. I love you. I promise to always try to smile…I can still hear it in my head you telling me “I want to see you smile” – No matter what was going on, even if I was mad at you
– if you said that – you always made me smile anyway – and you knew it! 🙂

From the time we were married till he left this earth was
7,133 days
or 1019 weeks
or 171,192 hours
or 10,271,520 minutes
or 616,291,200 seconds
This is equal to exactly 19 years, 6 months, and 9 days

For our 20th anniversary, he had planned he was going to buy me an anniversary band to put on the other side of my engagement ring, to match my wedding band. And we were going to take a trip someplace special, don’t know where, but somewhere we had never been, we had thought of one of those couples resorts….

I love you more than anything, I love our wonderful kids God allowed us to have. I am very thankful God let me have you for almost 20 years. Yes, I wish it was more, lots more, never even had the thoughts of what happened….you know you think about sickness, maybe *one day*…..but never this….thought and dreamed about us being in our 80’s on our front porch in our little town, watching our grandkids run around, while we hold hands….sigh….such a pretty dream…..

I was told that one day, I will think that way, and not cry, but just think about the happy times, and be happy … I am thankful and grateful that after almost 5 years, it is more that way now…..although I still and will always love and miss you

Grief – we all go through it, this is an interesting outlook….

(Posted by a friend, if you have any grief or know of anyone with it, please share, this is a great article, please read even if you are not going thru it, as one day you will, and if you remember this, I think it will help 😉 )

“My friend just died, I don’t know what to do”
“Alright, here goes. I’m old. What that means is that I’ve survived (so far) and a lot of people I’ve known and loved did not. I’ve lost friends, best friends, acquaintances, co-workers, grandparents, mom, relatives, teachers, mentors, students, neighbors, and a host of other folks. I have no children, and I can’t imagine the pain it must be to lose a child. But here’s my two cents.

I wish I could say you get used to people dying. I never did. I don’t want to. It tears a hole through me whenever somebody I love dies, no matter the circumstances. But I don’t want it to “not matter”. I don’t want it to be something that just passes. My scars are a testament to the love and the relationship that I had for and with that person. and if the scar is deep, so was the love. So be it. Scars are a testament to life. Scars are a testament that I can love deeply and live deeply and be cut, or even gouged, and that I can heal and continue to live and continue to love. And the scar tissue is stronger than the original flesh ever was. Scars are a testament to life. Scars are only ugly to people who can’t see.

As for grief, you’ll find it comes in waves. When the ship is first wrecked, you’re drowning, with wreckage all around you. Everything floating around you reminds you of the beauty and the magnificence of the ship that was, and is no more. And all you can do is float. You find some piece of the wreckage, and you hang onto it for awhile. Maybe it’s some physical thing. Maybe it’s a happy memory or a photograph. Maybe it’s a person who is also floating. For awhile, all you can do is float. STAY ALIVE.

In the beginning, the waves are 100 feet tall and crash over you with out mercy. They come in 10 seconds apart, and don’t even give you time to catch your breath. All you can do is hang on and float. After awhile, maybe weeks, maybe months, you’ll find the waves are still 100 feet tall, but they come further apart. When they come, they still crash all over you and wipe you out. But in between, you can breathe, you can function. You never know what’s going to trigger the grief. It might be a song, a picture, a street intersection, the smell of a cup of coffee. It can be just about anything….and the wave comes crashing. But in between waves, there is LIFE.

Somewhere down the line, and it’s different for everybody, you find that the waves are only 80 feet tall. or 50 feet tall. and while they still come, they come further apart. You can see them coming. An anniversary, a birthday, christmas, or landing at O’Hare. You can see it coming, and for the most part, you can prepare yourself. And when it washes over you, you know that somehow you will, again, come out the other side. Soaking wet, sputtering, still hanging on to some tiny piece of the wreckage, but you’ll come out.

Take it from an old guy, the waves never stop coming, and somehow you don’t really want them to. But you learn that you’ll survive them. And other waves will come. And you’ll survive them too. If you’re lucky, you’ll have lots of scars from lots of loves…..and lots of shipwrecks.”