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Is it true you have to get over it?

“It isn’t true that you *have* to *get over it*. It isn’t even true that you have to want to. No one else can understand what you have lost. No one else can bear the burden of your tribute to a love, to a life, to an identity now gone. What a privilege it is to feel deeply.” — Anne Lamott

When I speak on stages all over the world talking about #WeAllHaveChoices, steps in life, grief, being a widow, losing a loved one, etc….

I say this all the time….you NEVER get over it (and if you are reading this, please do not ever say this to any person….ever) ….yes if you are still breathing, there is a purpose, and you need to move forward, you need to grieve, cry, get mad, etc all those things, and you may have *triggers* the rest of your life…..It will be 7 years in two weeks or the most tragic loss of my life I never expected….then several more major losses pretty b2b after that for a few years….and I have shed many tears, and still there are *triggers* that happen that will bring back up re-living moments and tears all over again….

that is OKAY…..

Don’t ever let anyone tell you it is not! But the thing is to not *stay there*….cry, get mad, get angry, get sad, whatever the case may be….then move forward w whatever you need to do in life, business, ministry…..BREATHE, as you are breathing for a reason….find a way to help someone else, lift each other up…..life your life, find things to be grateful for, be grateful for the moments that you did have w that person, instead of focusing on the moments you will no longer get to have.

Live your life, love hard, cherish moments, celebrate memories, when that argument comes up, think about it, is it REALLY worth it? If yes, stand your ground, if not, let it go, let them be right, who cares…..treat people as if this will be the last time you will get to see them, because you never know, one of these days…..it will be <3

Thoughts for the holidays…..

Maybe it is because of the holidays, maybe it is because it is coming up on the 5 year mark, (those of you that might be new to following me, or might not know, I lost my husband Bryan of 20 years, in a tragic car wreck 2/2/13 www.BryanDelk.com is a page I made for honor of his memory.) maybe it is because I finally decided this year to actually say “yes” to a date, and then a few more, and then after I thought it was going wonderful, I found it was not so much as I had thought, (and I know some people will say and already have that it was too soon, or whatever, etc, same thing, you don’t know unless you were there and walking in those shoes, I definitely would not have posted pictures and added in so many cards, had I known things would change, we/I thought it was going to be so, and then some things were realized, it is what it is) before you feel sorry for me, don’t….I teach all the time that we need to learn to be grateful and thankful in every thing, and I am grateful and thankful for someone coming along and showing me that I can actually have feelings again, as I had turned off my personal side of feelings for so many years….I mean, I am a great friend, great mom, great sister, etc lol and great in business, but I know I had made walls to my personal side, and he helped me walk through some of the steps to allow those walls to not be so hard, didn’t work out the way I had thought, and that is okay, I have prayed very hard for God’s perfect will in my life, and I believe if/when that is to happen, I will know, and I want it with all my heart only with God’s blessing….. and then maybe it is because just in general this time of year, we tend to all be a little bit more emotional in the first place.

I read an article today, from another lady, who lost a child, I had read it before, but funny how when you read something at different times, it effects you in a different way.

She talked about people making comments, unthoughtful, not knowing her or the situation…..I remember seeing comments on the news reports w Bryan too….they’d say comments cuz of black ice, he didn’t know how to drive, or shouldn’t have been out on the ice, etc….they didn’t know he was a cop for 16 years and trained how to drive….they didn’t know he was driving for fedex n trained to drive there as well, and they made him go to work because people *just had* to have their packages you know, they didn’t salt the roads cuz there wasn’t time and our city is not used to that much that fast, and they didn’t close the roads, till 127 wrecks that morning, with one fatality, and that was his, they didn’t know that Bryan slowed to avoid hitting a truck, (which he ended up hitting) because that truck slowed to avoid hitting a wreck that was in front of him, and then he slid into Bryan’s lane and right into the front of his van….*they just didn’t know* before they unthought fully commented….

I had met another man this year, that initially told me his wife had died 6 years ago, and thankfully, I think from being married to a cop and also being internet savvy, I know how to check things, and I do, and I found he was not – and was sickened to the thought of someone even saying that about someone else, if he had any true feelings for her – whether he wanted to cheat on her or not – he’d not even remotely say something like that. I couldn’t imagine what she would think, if she knew, not only that he cheated, but that he’d say something like that. Maybe cuz I am old-fashioned or whatever, but I don’t believe in that – but even if I did – I could never imagine saying that about someone that wasn’t – like wishful thinking in an awful way. I don’t know….Definitely pray for this man, and this woman, they need it.

Then I talked another man this week, that lost his wife of almost 30 years, just this year, and how he is having trouble dealing with emotions of this new walk, new steps in life. He talked about friends just not understanding…..and I tried to tell him, they can’t – they don’t….they can have empathy, they can have sympathy, and that is wonderful…..but just like after I walked through those steps, I got reached out to some other friends that were widows, and apologized for being an awful friend…I mean in reality, I know I wasn’t, I had reached out, I had sent cards, I had texted, I had called…..but you just don’t know, you don’t get it – unless you walk those shoes, and I truly hope and pray that most never know what I had to feel and go through.

I remember after the wreck, I got a call from the lawyers, they wanted me to sign a paper saying that it was okay to destroy the van he drove after they did all their legal stuff. I couldn’t do it. I don’t know why, but I just couldn’t, it was like signing something to say that I was okay with ending that part, making that *period*. I made an appointment, I went to go see the van, I made them let me take the tape off, and I remember I climbed in the van, I touched every part of the van that he might have touched, that last time. So many people warned me to not do it. I debated my own thoughts of doing it or not, but I knew I had a time-table if I was going to do it and be able to do it, I had to then, or never be able to. I chose to do it. It was hard, very hard, it was taped up like they left it that day at the wreck. There was still his blood all over it, there was glass shattered everywhere. I still climbed in it, sat in it, touched it all, cried for hours, till they finally came out and checked on me, and asked if I needed someone to come get me, as they were closing the lot, and I needed to go and they wanted me safe. I still never signed the papers, they moved forward I guess the same, I don’t know, I guess they had to right? lol, I just couldn’t do it.

I remember for months, even sometimes to this day, something exciting happens, or anything happens, that I would have normally called or texted him to tell him about, and I can’t…..same with my Mom….your spouse and a parent, some of the closest relationships you have in your life…..losing my Mom last year, I felt at first I was thrown back to day one, I couldn’t even deal with my emotions at the beginning. When I speak on stage at events you have your smile on, and helping others – I was good at that. I was not good at facing my own emotions. I have had to learn and pray and talk to God a lot these last few years with different things and trust and learn how to walk in these steps, these shoes He has given for me. I do know that for some reason, He trusts me with this, that in turn I will help others and help bring them closer to Him. I try to honor His trust and obey. I am not perfect and I fail every single day. But every day, I get back up and I try again, and I move forward again, and I take those steps, in those shoes again.

In this holiday season, and as this year comes to a close, and as we start to go into the new year, remember, the past is the past, we don’t live there – it is useful and I thankfully have lots and lots of very fond memories there, and I will always love and cherish them. I will learn from my past, I will grow from my past, and I will use that to launch myself in to my new future of this next year, being better than before, learning and growing and teaching others what I learn in the process to help them as well, personally and professionally, in this walk we call life.

Here’s to many blessings and prosperous beginnings in 2018,

Love and Gratitude,

Laurie

Reflecting……People are what’s important

Reflecting…

I have noticed, I don’t have the desire as much to wander through the mall or the fancy stores to see what shiny new or pretty things that I may want.

When I was a younger, I wanted all the fun, glitzy and glamorous stuff. Fancy china, sterling silverware, a big house, nice car, pretty dresses and sparkly jewelry. Now granted, I still like many of those things, and those that know me well, know my style, girliy, shiny, sparkly, etc I love! lol But I forget why all I wanted them….. Maybe something to do with insecurities and/or the thoughts to “keep up with” our friends or society’s expectations.

Over the years I’ve lost that desire, and now I have no need to acquire things just for the sake of having them. I still absolutely love my *pretties*…..But moreso now my focus is to have a fun, comfortable, relaxing, enjoyable, homey place for people to gather and enjoy each other.

The focus is on the relationships, not all the stuff. I have decluttered a lot over the past few years, and I am still in decluttering mode, pretty majorly

The bottom line is that it’s always about the people. Family, friends, business associates that have become friends are what life is about. I can have all the money in the world, and I am very grateful and thankful for all that God has brought into my life and blessed me with, with my amazing clients that I help with web, graphics, marketing and all the other online space platforms, speaking engagements, people I coach, but if I don’t share love, respect and time with others, I have nothing.

So I’m reflecting on what’s really important to me. It’s always the people, and my goal every day is to show love, caring and compassion, and put more thought, time and energy into reinforcing those connections…….If we haven’t connected recently in person, or if not local, through skype or google hangout, for a one on one (just catch up and personal get to know each other hour) please reach out to me. 🙂

25 habits of highly successfully happy people

25 Habits of Highly Successfully Happy People

#1 They Forgive

Let bitterness go. Forget the wrong doings – Holding bitterness in will hurt you more in the end than the other person. It does nothing to them, it can literally kill you.

#2 They Laugh – enjoy each moment! Remember when you were a kid, and you laughed a lot? Get that child-like laughter back, don’t be so serious all the time.

#3 They Are Generous

MRI studies have actually shown that the act of giving triggers the same area of your brain as eating chocolate! So the next time you see someone struggling, offer to help. Even if it means giving them $ or helping them pay a bill or meal. You will be blessed more than they will, try it and you will see.

#4 They Breathe Deep

When we breathe deep – oxygen goes into our blood which causes our brain to release happy chemicals known as endorphins. Breath in deep through your nose, then out deep through your mouth, like *pah*, try it right now, just a few deep breaths. They say 10 deep breaths a day, can add many years onto your life!

#5 They Meditate, turn off the noise

The world is so fast paced. We many times automate our lives, and just do, because of habit. Learn to take a minimum of 10 minutes each day. No noises, no distractions. Just you and your habit of happiness.

#6 They Sleep

A rested brain is a happy brain. Getting 8 hours of sleep is best for your body, good rested sleep. If you can sleep till you wake up, that is the best thing, many can’t with jobs, etc, but make sure you are getting enough rested hours, and try atleast once a week to sleep till you wake up.

#7 They Stay Positive

Everyone faces things in life. There is always some sort of bright side, even in the worst of tragedy or adversity. I remember one day after I became a widow, I was having a *woe is me* day, and God allowed me to meet a lady who lost her husband and 4 of her 7 kids in a car wreck. That snapped me back into thankfulness right away) There is always someone who has it worse. Be thankful

#8 They Choose Their Friends Wisely

Friends and family both – Sometimes you don’t have a choice, but most times you do. Choose to be around people that are going to lift you up and push you to be better than you are.

#9 They Don’t Let Others Influence Their Emotions

Some people are the first person to get pissed off at work when someone does something wrong. Emotions in life can run high – learn to focus away from the negativity and stay in positivity – regardless of how others around you are behaving.

#10 They Spend Time Outside – Breathing fresh air

Fresh air – smell it, feel it, soak in the sunshine….feel the warmth, or the coolness of the slight breeze.

#11 They Dream – Have a child-like faith – you had big dreams when you were a child, where are they now?

#12 They Don’t Just Dream

Dreaming can be amazing – but putting your dreams into action and realizing them in life is amazing and lots of fun.

#13 They Love Themselves – First

Put your oxygen mask on first before helping others.Many people think it is because you can’t help someone else, if you aren’t helping yourself – which is true. But also many times if you show someone else, what it is like to do it, then they won’t be afraid to do it (especially a child).

#14 They Have Pets

Pets are unconditional love. A joke says if a guy locks his wife in a trunk and a dog in a trunk, when he lets them out – who will show him unconditional love? haha it is a joke, don’t try it! But that is why many people have PTSD pets too – it is amazing how much they can help.

#15 They Outsource Their Weaknesses

Focus on your strengths and let someone else do the rest. Do yourself what you love, pay others to do what you are not as good at or simply don’t love to do. I can make much more money doing what I love, so why not let someone else, for example who loves to clean, and needs some extra money, do the cleaning once week, that I can do, but I don’t love to do?

#16 They Fire Their Boss

If you boss is a jerk – create an escape plan. It might mean getting a different job or starting your own business. Don’t allow people to treat you bad, you are important, you are worthy. Remember that. Work for someone (or yourself) that values you.

#17 They Exercise

It is healthy, it will help you feel better and look better. At one point I had to have a desk job and was working about 80 hours a week to cover bills, on top of that a lot of financial and emotional and spiritual stress, caused me to gain about 70 lbs. I started just a discipline of walking a couple miles each morning, I simply hated it when my alarm clock went off, I will admit it – it didn’t get better either. lol but I did it. And I always, always felt better after, all day long, and eventually the weight started coming off and I started feeling healthier.

#18 They Don’t Let Road Blocks get in the way

We will always come up against things – it is a part of life. Learn how to go around it, make a bridge, or plow right through it! But do it! No one became successful, without some obstacles.

#19 They Smile – See who you can make smile today! Smile anyway, even when you don’t feel like it, and you will automatically feel happier.

#20 They Help People

Because if you don’t, really what’s the point. Plus – Karma is real and she can be a real pain too. What you do comes back to you. You reap what you sew. No matter how you say it. The God who created the Universe, controls it and it is true.

#21 They Listen

When someone is talking to you, look into their eyes. Pay attention. Be present. Don’t allow other distractions. Mary Kay once said she stood in line one time to meet someone important, when she got up there, she felt him look past her at the line instead of focusing on her – he was not present. She chose to focus on people and make them feel important. That is one reason why her business is so successful as it is today.

#22 They are Nostalgic

Remember history. Remember old stories. Look through old photos. Reminisce. Cherish the memories. Cherish the moments.

#23 They Forget the Tech

Unplug. We live in a busy world! Turn off the noise. Put the phone up, turn off the tv, turn off the radio. Relax. Sometimes truly tech people, like me, I run several businesses, which all require *tech*…..when I can turn off all, just for a bit, it can be very relaxing and regenerating energy.

#24 They Love – love people, love animals, love things….treat every one and every thing the way you want to be treated.

#25 They Try

There is no Can’t. Can’t never tried. Can’t is a 4 letter word. You don’t know unless you try. Try it – you just might surprise yourself!

Happiness Is A Choice

I CHOOSE to be happy!
I CHOOSE to LOVE my LIFE!
I CHOOSE to be thankful and grateful for ALL the BLESSINGS God has given to me!

When Paul was talking to King Agrippa, he said:
“I think myself happy” Acts 26:2

Some people make a different *choice*…

They choose to…
whine, complain, worry, be depressed, think about what they are missing, focus on who has done them wrong, be a victim of circumstance.

Every single day you DO have a CHOICE.
You can CHOOSE how you feel about a certain person or situation.
You can CHOOSE how you react to things that happen to you.
(because everyone has things happen, right? It is just our choice in our response.)
You can CHOOSE how to feel (angry or happy)
You can CHOOSE what to think about.

Phil 4:8
Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.

Everyone has trials in life – you can CHOOSE to let them DEFEAT you or DEFINE you.

No matter what you are going through right now, there is somebody that is going through the same or worse than you. There is always something you can CHOOSE to be grateful or thankful for – think on these things.

Put your faith in God, and trust in Him, even though we not might *like* what He *allows* us to go thru at times, if we trust in Him, we are better.

“whoso trusteth in the LORD, happy is he” — Prov 16:20

Guide to Staying Connected – And How Greeting Cards can help – 30 day challenge

Today’s busy schedules often leave little time for enriching people’s lives – our own included. But, carving out time to reach out to loved ones and strengthen our personal connections helps to boost our emotional well-being. Connecting with friends and family doesn’t have to take a lot of effort and it is often the simple, small gesture that has the most impact when it comes to showing someone how much you care.

Sending a greeting card is one of those simple gestures that reminds people someone is thinking about them. Making someone else feel special can also have the effect of making the sender feel good too. With all of the stress in people’s lives today, that small oasis of contentment is something we need now more than ever.

A recent survey by the Greeting Card Association found that almost 9 out of 10 Americans believe they are as close or closer to their friends and family than they were one year ago and 66% of Americans are regularly reaching out to their immediate family for love and support. Many times they are doing this, thru the simple process of sending out a greeting card in the mail.

Connecting with friends and family can occur because of a sense of obligation to recognize important life events, or it can simply result from an impulsive desire to reach out. Sometimes one person connecting with another will set off a boomerang effect of reaching out!

Imagine what an amazing thing can happen in the lives of others, if everyone decided to just *reach out* and send out cards every single day – just 1 card a day – to someone that you thought about. Just a nice, touchy/feely type card, to make someone smile.

62% of people feel inspired to send someone a card if they receive one from that person.

Follow these simple tips to stay connected with friends and family and boost your own sense of emotional well-being:

Set aside an allotted amount of time each day to reach out to others. Reaching out doesn’t take a lot of time, but it can be very meaningful to those we touch. A simple phone call, e-mail or greeting card reminds our loved ones how much we care. (Example: Just take 10 minutes every morning, not a big deal, not a huge time restraint, and easy to do, and enrich others lives – as well as yours – (contact me for details of a SIMPLE way to do this)).

Take time to reflect on what is important and of value in your life microsoft project alternative. You can start a gratitude journal and write down everything and everyone you are grateful for. Writing down things of importance help us to remember the most special personal connections. I decided to keep a journal once, and all it was, was ONCE a day, every day, I would write SOMETHING good about that day – or something good that happened in that day. It is amazing the difference it makes you feel overall.

Don’t wait for a reason to connect. Life is too short to hold back when it comes to connecting with friends and family. (And we are never promised tomorrow.) Sending a “thinking of you” or “just because” card can be one of the best ways to show someone you care.

Reflect your own personality when reaching out to loved ones. Whether it’s a romantic note on a pillow or a humorous card in the mail, connections with friends and family should showcase your own attitude and sentiment.

Hold on to your personal connections through tangible memories. One of the best ways to keep our connections top of mind is by holding on to a physical momento or keepsake. Reflecting on old letters and cards helps us to remember our most special connections.

Try it for 30 days – and let me know how this project has enriched your life – I guarantee you – you will never be the same, and you will never stop. Just take 10 min each day, for 30 days, and in that 10 min, make a phone call, write an email, or better yet, send out a card to someone. Just to tell them, thank you, you were thinking about them, you love them, they did a great job, etc. Anything, prompt yourself to think of ONE person a day to do this for. If you want an EASY way to do it with the greeting cards, contact me. But either way – please do it – and share your results with me after 30 days.

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