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angry

Is it true you have to get over it?

“It isn’t true that you *have* to *get over it*. It isn’t even true that you have to want to. No one else can understand what you have lost. No one else can bear the burden of your tribute to a love, to a life, to an identity now gone. What a privilege it is to feel deeply.” — Anne Lamott

When I speak on stages all over the world talking about #WeAllHaveChoices, steps in life, grief, being a widow, losing a loved one, etc….

I say this all the time….you NEVER get over it (and if you are reading this, please do not ever say this to any person….ever) ….yes if you are still breathing, there is a purpose, and you need to move forward, you need to grieve, cry, get mad, etc all those things, and you may have *triggers* the rest of your life…..It will be 7 years in two weeks or the most tragic loss of my life I never expected….then several more major losses pretty b2b after that for a few years….and I have shed many tears, and still there are *triggers* that happen that will bring back up re-living moments and tears all over again….

that is OKAY…..

Don’t ever let anyone tell you it is not! But the thing is to not *stay there*….cry, get mad, get angry, get sad, whatever the case may be….then move forward w whatever you need to do in life, business, ministry…..BREATHE, as you are breathing for a reason….find a way to help someone else, lift each other up…..life your life, find things to be grateful for, be grateful for the moments that you did have w that person, instead of focusing on the moments you will no longer get to have. 

Live your life, love hard, cherish moments, celebrate memories, when that argument comes up, think about it, is it REALLY worth it? If yes, stand your ground, if not, let it go, let them be right, who cares…..treat people as if this will be the last time you will get to see them, because you never know, one of these days…..it will be <3

Grief – we all go through it, this is an interesting outlook….

(Posted by a friend, if you have any grief or know of anyone with it, please share, this is a great article, please read even if you are not going thru it, as one day you will, and if you remember this, I think it will help 😉 )

“My friend just died, I don’t know what to do”
“Alright, here goes. I’m old. What that means is that I’ve survived (so far) and a lot of people I’ve known and loved did not. I’ve lost friends, best friends, acquaintances, co-workers, grandparents, mom, relatives, teachers, mentors, students, neighbors, and a host of other folks. I have no children, and I can’t imagine the pain it must be to lose a child. But here’s my two cents.

I wish I could say you get used to people dying. I never did. I don’t want to. It tears a hole through me whenever somebody I love dies, no matter the circumstances. But I don’t want it to “not matter”. I don’t want it to be something that just passes. My scars are a testament to the love and the relationship that I had for and with that person. and if the scar is deep, so was the love. So be it. Scars are a testament to life. Scars are a testament that I can love deeply and live deeply and be cut, or even gouged, and that I can heal and continue to live and continue to love. And the scar tissue is stronger than the original flesh ever was. Scars are a testament to life. Scars are only ugly to people who can’t see.

As for grief, you’ll find it comes in waves. When the ship is first wrecked, you’re drowning, with wreckage all around you. Everything floating around you reminds you of the beauty and the magnificence of the ship that was, and is no more. And all you can do is float. You find some piece of the wreckage, and you hang onto it for awhile. Maybe it’s some physical thing. Maybe it’s a happy memory or a photograph. Maybe it’s a person who is also floating. For awhile, all you can do is float. STAY ALIVE.

In the beginning, the waves are 100 feet tall and crash over you with out mercy. They come in 10 seconds apart, and don’t even give you time to catch your breath. All you can do is hang on and float. After awhile, maybe weeks, maybe months, you’ll find the waves are still 100 feet tall, but they come further apart. When they come, they still crash all over you and wipe you out. But in between, you can breathe, you can function. You never know what’s going to trigger the grief. It might be a song, a picture, a street intersection, the smell of a cup of coffee. It can be just about anything….and the wave comes crashing. But in between waves, there is LIFE.

Somewhere down the line, and it’s different for everybody, you find that the waves are only 80 feet tall. or 50 feet tall. and while they still come, they come further apart. You can see them coming. An anniversary, a birthday, christmas, or landing at O’Hare. You can see it coming, and for the most part, you can prepare yourself. And when it washes over you, you know that somehow you will, again, come out the other side. Soaking wet, sputtering, still hanging on to some tiny piece of the wreckage, but you’ll come out.

Take it from an old guy, the waves never stop coming, and somehow you don’t really want them to. But you learn that you’ll survive them. And other waves will come. And you’ll survive them too. If you’re lucky, you’ll have lots of scars from lots of loves…..and lots of shipwrecks.”